Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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