Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
