I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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