I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
