normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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