I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
