Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
