Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
