I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
