I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
