My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
