I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
