i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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