Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
