Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
