M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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