Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
