Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Two words: blizzard sex
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
