why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
