I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
