Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Bring me that man meat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
