I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
