Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
