I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have tasted many bathrooms
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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