Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
