True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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