remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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