quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
