I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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