maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
