Just fell off a train. Bad.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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