That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
