who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
