My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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