You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
