So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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