Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What changed your mind?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.