I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
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Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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