I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
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HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".