I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..