If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.