Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
