YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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