All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
