I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
