I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
