Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm like, not good at living.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
