I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
