she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
