Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
