Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
