Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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