i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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