Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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