I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
