Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
