5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
