I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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