I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
