now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
