once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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