He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
