it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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