i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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