The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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