Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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