Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
