Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize