Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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