God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
