yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
