remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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