shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
